Waking up

so i've realized that up until now my blogs have been pretty light-hearted and on the less than serious side. let's just say this one may be a little different.

so i like to think of myself as a fun-loving, happy, upbeat person. ive never been one to feel down or depressed for long periods of time. once i feel myself getting into a bad or unpleasant mood, i try to flip it around as quickly as possible. i love to laugh more than anything else, and i could spend the rest of my life trying to cheer people up or make them laugh if that was a career (well, we all know that being a comedian is out of the picture). lately, most of you wouldnt even have known it was me if you were only allowed to see me as a reflection of my attitude or mood. i was even beginning to not know who i was, and it was scary. i felt like i got frustrated easier. i was mad at bryson all of the time. i was constantly wishing i was not living in lubbock. i was aggravated at my current situation-no motivation to go to grad school, no job luck yet when i felt like i was more than qualified for all of the ones i had looked into, an unhappy relationship with the boy, and most importantly...a less than satisfactory and unfulfilling spiritual life. this was not me. the whitney i knew was lost. i was just searching for her. it was kinda hard when i felt like i was searching for a person i wasnt even sure existed anymore. then it happened....

at about 1:20 am friday, feb. 22.

bryson and i were driving home from the first night of his big fraternity formal thing, Golden Dragon. it's a whole three-day ordeal with lots of parties, dressing up, food, drinks, etc. anyways, i had just been to the doctor the day before where they had poked, proded, and everything in between to try to figure out what was wrong with me-to no avail (still waiting on some blood test results to see if i have mono). so needless to say, i had wanted to leave the party early. neither of us had really wanted to drink that night, so we were both safe to drive. we were in brysons car, so naturally he drove us back to my apt. then we came up on the intersection that is like 200 feet from my apt entrance. we were just cruising along at about 40-45 mph and were about to head into the intersection. the light had been green for about 15-20 secs before we even came to it so there was no need to slow down or brake. then out of the corner of my eye i saw this suv come flying toward us. thats when i realized we were about to be seriously injured or killed. i really thought that something terrible was about to happen. within those few seconds i screamed brysons name and next thing i knew i heard the loudest crash of metal on metal and an airbag was in my face and smoke was filling the car. the next few minutes are a blur, but i remember just sitting there in shock and i started to hyperventilate a little. i just looked over at bryson to make sure he was ok and he was doing the same for me. funny how in those moments when you fear for your life, you fear for the other persons even more. i didnt know what to do. bryson got out of the car and came over to my door. then i realized the car was still moving. i yelled for bryson and looked down to see that the car was in park but was still rolling backward. when it stopped moving i decided to get out of the car. i was still a complete wreck myself...i was scared to death, hyperventilating, and just completely traumatized. my physical pain hadnt even come to mind at this point. bryson had made his way to me, and it was the only relief amidst a very horrifying situation. he grabbed me and held me in his arms and just reassured me. it was bittersweet because i was realizing at the same time how weak and scared i was. i needed him. without him i have no idea what i would have done that night. i remember him hugging me and then suddenly there were all these people up in our faces. they were all checking on us. this one crazy girl kept saying to me, "im a nursing major, im a nursing major. youre in shock. come sit down on the curb and put your head between your knees and breathe." i wanted to be like, "hey woman. i was almost killed. get out of my face!" but i knew she was just trying to help. once i sat down i was able to see the whole scene. the other girls car was on its roof. the impact flipped her car. i asked about her, and they said she was fine. we never even saw her. she never once came over to see how we were. she could have cared less that she could have killed two people. all she was worried about was her damn dog that was in the car. i know that i would have been really upset and worried if i had my pet in the car, too. but this girl was freaking lucky that she hadnt killed two people, wasnt in jail, or wasnt dead herself. she had blatantly ran a red light that had been red for a good 15-20 secs. she was going about 55 mph when we slammed into her. im pretty sure she had to have been drunk. i have no idea how she didnt even pay attention to the light. that intersection is a very big, very busy one that anyone that lives in lubbock KNOWS its there. shes some little sorority girl that had just turned 21 a couple weeks before(oh yeah, we facebooked her. youre damn straight we did!) she had absolutely no regard for us. she hadnt even come to see if we were alive. i just couldnt believe that someone was capable of nearly killing two people and then not even checking on them or saying she was sorry. i would never forgive myself if i had acted like she did that night. and apparently the girl didnt even have her insurance with her so we had to go down to the police station the next day and get a copy of the police report so we could get her number to call her. even when bryson called her to get her info, she still didnt even apologize for what she had done. so because she was so thoughtless, bryson has been without a car and not able to start the whole insurance process to get a rental car and look for a new car. if i get to talk to her, you better believe i will let her know how i feel about her having no regard for us or having no remorse for what she did. sorry, got off track. im a little bitter about this girl, can you tell? back to the story...we talked to the police and the ems guys. we didnt go to the hospital or anything. probably should have though. there was the nicest woman that stayed behind with us as our witness, and she made sure to tell the cops how badly this girl had run the red light. she was in the car behind us and witnessed the whole scene. she stayed the whole time in the freezing cold and then offerend to drop us off at my apt. she was very, very sweet. we're sending her a thank you card this week. anyways...long, long story to say that this wreck could have ended mine, brysons, and the other girls lives. its amazing that no one was even majorly injured. had it been one millisecond earlier, and she would have t-boned us directly on my side. there is no doubt in my mind that i would have died had that happened. having a bone disorder already, i would have not only been crushed by her car coming that fast, but im sure my neck would have snapped. bryson could have very easily been killed, too. but God was there with us. He was watching over us, and He protected us. it happened at the exact right moment to where she barely got ahead of us causing us to smash into her car at about the driver side front tire. so i was thanking God all night. every minute i was thanking Him and praying and praising Him for protecting everyone. but it was definitely the scariest moment of my life. i saw it before it happened, and even that one second of anticipation was the worst feeling. we were even on the news the next day because the wreck was so severe. no one could believe that none of us were seriously hurt or killed. in case you want to watch a little clip of it, go to http://www.kcbd.com/ and click on local news. its somewhere under two car collision or something. there are two video clips, and we are the second one i think. ill be posting some pictures, too. bryson took three at the scene, and i took a ton of his car at the impound lot.

so...sorry for the longest story ever. now i understand how much God protects us in our lives. most of the time we probably dont even know it. we are daily being watched over and are unaware for the majority of our lives. it takes events such as this to wake us up to see how much we are truly blessed. i thanked God for hours and hours until i was finally able to fall asleep (with the help of some nyquil, of course. couldnt sleep much after the wreck). i just thought about how much i have to live for and be thankful for. i have an amazing life. i have amazing people in my life. i am SO blessed. i have had so many wonderful opportunities. i have met wonderful people. i love every single one you reading this right now. i love you with my heart and soul. im thankful that youre in my life. i thank God for you every night. God wanted me to be alive today. so now thats what im doing. im living. and im going to start living like i should have been before but failed to most of the time.

ive definitely been woken up. the best wake up call ever. there is no time to feel sad or depressed. theres no time to be mad or moody. i just have to live my life being thankful for every moment ive been given. i cant waste anymore time being upset or frustrated. theres no reason to when i have so many things to be happy about. im going back to just enjoying everyday. i think ive found myself again. only now im even more thankful for everything in my life. thanks to the Lord im here today to be able to tell you all how much i love you and miss you!!