This has got to be a record

so im writing twice in the same week....its gotta be a record. anywho, this is just a little update so that i dont have to write so much on the next one. plus im really bored, so it works out.

after reading ivy's blog, i couldnt help but think to myself how much i want a relationship where i feel UNCONDITIONALLY loved. the more i think about it, the more i feel like ive never had one (well i mean minus family and you guys of course). so romantically speaking...im getting the shaft! im pretty tired of constantly pouring out love and affection only to be given whatever that person has left over or has time for. bryson is selfish. i tell him that, too. he takes and takes and takes. theres not alot of give these days. it kinda sucks, and it hurts like hell. im sorta at a loss. not sure what to do anymore because all i want is to know that he really knows what it means to LOVE someone. like whole-heartedly, unselfishly love me. i dont think he knows how. and i really think im ready to find that...whether it's him or not. ive given all that i have, and ive risked alot on him. he takes it for granted. he never tells me how he feels about me anymore, and i never feel truly appreciated. ive already told him that i know what i deserve, and i know im not getting it from him. ive told him that i feel stupid sticking around when i know how i should be treated and have yet to be treated that way. so im working on it. i pray about it all the time, and i know that it will work out in God's time. its just hard to try not to control it. i know i just have to seek after God first, then i will be lead to the right person. so send one up to the man upstairs if you dont mind!!

lately ive been feeling not so hot. i want to sleep ALL the time. i know that ive always slept alot but now, i mean it was getting out of hand. i was sleeping unholy amounts of hours everyday. i would sleep like 12-14 hours a night then could easily take 3 hours naps later in the day. i know i said the day before the wreck i was pretty sick so i went to the doctor. well they did some tests and drew some blood, and it took up until this morning for them to freaking call me back and tell me the results. drumroll please.....

i have MONO. im pissed. not only am i walking around like i should be wearing a neck brace because i turn my whole body to look at people when they talk to me because im so sore, but i feel like im narcoleptic, too. how awkward is that picture in your head... but oh well. i know that this all happened for a reason, and it worked out perfectly to where since i dont have a life and have no commitments, i can stay home and sleep all day nursing my sick and VERY sore body! God works in mysterious ways, people. but im still thankful for every day! but not gonna lie...i am getting pretty bored. i have plans to go get all of these books you ladies have been talking about.

so obviously, no job yet. but of course, im not trying too hard these days since i dont even want to move or get out of bed. the one job i really wanted is sorta a wait-it-out thing. i called them a week after i turned all of my application stuff in and everything to check on my status. they said with those jobs my application will go into a pool and if they select mine i will get a call for an interview. not much else i can do there, i guess. so we'll see...im trying to keep looking in the meantime. be praying that i get a job that im meant for SOON!

that's about it. sorry this one was pretty boring. love yall and miss yall like crazy!

Waking up

so i've realized that up until now my blogs have been pretty light-hearted and on the less than serious side. let's just say this one may be a little different.

so i like to think of myself as a fun-loving, happy, upbeat person. ive never been one to feel down or depressed for long periods of time. once i feel myself getting into a bad or unpleasant mood, i try to flip it around as quickly as possible. i love to laugh more than anything else, and i could spend the rest of my life trying to cheer people up or make them laugh if that was a career (well, we all know that being a comedian is out of the picture). lately, most of you wouldnt even have known it was me if you were only allowed to see me as a reflection of my attitude or mood. i was even beginning to not know who i was, and it was scary. i felt like i got frustrated easier. i was mad at bryson all of the time. i was constantly wishing i was not living in lubbock. i was aggravated at my current situation-no motivation to go to grad school, no job luck yet when i felt like i was more than qualified for all of the ones i had looked into, an unhappy relationship with the boy, and most importantly...a less than satisfactory and unfulfilling spiritual life. this was not me. the whitney i knew was lost. i was just searching for her. it was kinda hard when i felt like i was searching for a person i wasnt even sure existed anymore. then it happened....

at about 1:20 am friday, feb. 22.

bryson and i were driving home from the first night of his big fraternity formal thing, Golden Dragon. it's a whole three-day ordeal with lots of parties, dressing up, food, drinks, etc. anyways, i had just been to the doctor the day before where they had poked, proded, and everything in between to try to figure out what was wrong with me-to no avail (still waiting on some blood test results to see if i have mono). so needless to say, i had wanted to leave the party early. neither of us had really wanted to drink that night, so we were both safe to drive. we were in brysons car, so naturally he drove us back to my apt. then we came up on the intersection that is like 200 feet from my apt entrance. we were just cruising along at about 40-45 mph and were about to head into the intersection. the light had been green for about 15-20 secs before we even came to it so there was no need to slow down or brake. then out of the corner of my eye i saw this suv come flying toward us. thats when i realized we were about to be seriously injured or killed. i really thought that something terrible was about to happen. within those few seconds i screamed brysons name and next thing i knew i heard the loudest crash of metal on metal and an airbag was in my face and smoke was filling the car. the next few minutes are a blur, but i remember just sitting there in shock and i started to hyperventilate a little. i just looked over at bryson to make sure he was ok and he was doing the same for me. funny how in those moments when you fear for your life, you fear for the other persons even more. i didnt know what to do. bryson got out of the car and came over to my door. then i realized the car was still moving. i yelled for bryson and looked down to see that the car was in park but was still rolling backward. when it stopped moving i decided to get out of the car. i was still a complete wreck myself...i was scared to death, hyperventilating, and just completely traumatized. my physical pain hadnt even come to mind at this point. bryson had made his way to me, and it was the only relief amidst a very horrifying situation. he grabbed me and held me in his arms and just reassured me. it was bittersweet because i was realizing at the same time how weak and scared i was. i needed him. without him i have no idea what i would have done that night. i remember him hugging me and then suddenly there were all these people up in our faces. they were all checking on us. this one crazy girl kept saying to me, "im a nursing major, im a nursing major. youre in shock. come sit down on the curb and put your head between your knees and breathe." i wanted to be like, "hey woman. i was almost killed. get out of my face!" but i knew she was just trying to help. once i sat down i was able to see the whole scene. the other girls car was on its roof. the impact flipped her car. i asked about her, and they said she was fine. we never even saw her. she never once came over to see how we were. she could have cared less that she could have killed two people. all she was worried about was her damn dog that was in the car. i know that i would have been really upset and worried if i had my pet in the car, too. but this girl was freaking lucky that she hadnt killed two people, wasnt in jail, or wasnt dead herself. she had blatantly ran a red light that had been red for a good 15-20 secs. she was going about 55 mph when we slammed into her. im pretty sure she had to have been drunk. i have no idea how she didnt even pay attention to the light. that intersection is a very big, very busy one that anyone that lives in lubbock KNOWS its there. shes some little sorority girl that had just turned 21 a couple weeks before(oh yeah, we facebooked her. youre damn straight we did!) she had absolutely no regard for us. she hadnt even come to see if we were alive. i just couldnt believe that someone was capable of nearly killing two people and then not even checking on them or saying she was sorry. i would never forgive myself if i had acted like she did that night. and apparently the girl didnt even have her insurance with her so we had to go down to the police station the next day and get a copy of the police report so we could get her number to call her. even when bryson called her to get her info, she still didnt even apologize for what she had done. so because she was so thoughtless, bryson has been without a car and not able to start the whole insurance process to get a rental car and look for a new car. if i get to talk to her, you better believe i will let her know how i feel about her having no regard for us or having no remorse for what she did. sorry, got off track. im a little bitter about this girl, can you tell? back to the story...we talked to the police and the ems guys. we didnt go to the hospital or anything. probably should have though. there was the nicest woman that stayed behind with us as our witness, and she made sure to tell the cops how badly this girl had run the red light. she was in the car behind us and witnessed the whole scene. she stayed the whole time in the freezing cold and then offerend to drop us off at my apt. she was very, very sweet. we're sending her a thank you card this week. anyways...long, long story to say that this wreck could have ended mine, brysons, and the other girls lives. its amazing that no one was even majorly injured. had it been one millisecond earlier, and she would have t-boned us directly on my side. there is no doubt in my mind that i would have died had that happened. having a bone disorder already, i would have not only been crushed by her car coming that fast, but im sure my neck would have snapped. bryson could have very easily been killed, too. but God was there with us. He was watching over us, and He protected us. it happened at the exact right moment to where she barely got ahead of us causing us to smash into her car at about the driver side front tire. so i was thanking God all night. every minute i was thanking Him and praying and praising Him for protecting everyone. but it was definitely the scariest moment of my life. i saw it before it happened, and even that one second of anticipation was the worst feeling. we were even on the news the next day because the wreck was so severe. no one could believe that none of us were seriously hurt or killed. in case you want to watch a little clip of it, go to http://www.kcbd.com/ and click on local news. its somewhere under two car collision or something. there are two video clips, and we are the second one i think. ill be posting some pictures, too. bryson took three at the scene, and i took a ton of his car at the impound lot.

so...sorry for the longest story ever. now i understand how much God protects us in our lives. most of the time we probably dont even know it. we are daily being watched over and are unaware for the majority of our lives. it takes events such as this to wake us up to see how much we are truly blessed. i thanked God for hours and hours until i was finally able to fall asleep (with the help of some nyquil, of course. couldnt sleep much after the wreck). i just thought about how much i have to live for and be thankful for. i have an amazing life. i have amazing people in my life. i am SO blessed. i have had so many wonderful opportunities. i have met wonderful people. i love every single one you reading this right now. i love you with my heart and soul. im thankful that youre in my life. i thank God for you every night. God wanted me to be alive today. so now thats what im doing. im living. and im going to start living like i should have been before but failed to most of the time.

ive definitely been woken up. the best wake up call ever. there is no time to feel sad or depressed. theres no time to be mad or moody. i just have to live my life being thankful for every moment ive been given. i cant waste anymore time being upset or frustrated. theres no reason to when i have so many things to be happy about. im going back to just enjoying everyday. i think ive found myself again. only now im even more thankful for everything in my life. thanks to the Lord im here today to be able to tell you all how much i love you and miss you!!

all quiet on the western front...(or something like that. im not too good with geography, am i in the west? eh...who cares)

so it seems to be all quiet on my side of the world. and yes, i do feel like im in a different world here in the lbk. sometimes i sit alone at my apt and wonder how i got here. i feel like ive been here forever. sometimes it feels like ive always been here. just like austin and ut and those best years of my life never even happened. its really quite odd. but it only takes one tiny little memory of my time there, and it all comes back. then i miss yall even more. and austin. and ut. and every single thing that went with it. crazy how time flies. all of those corny country songs really do know what they're talking about after all...

so my lovelies...i must say i dont too much enjoy writing on this thing. i think i just like to read y'alls and pretend i dont have to chip in on my little "blog". but i guess i will. it's just that you all make me feel so boring and lame when i read all of these hilarious, life-changing, mushy, intellectual, inspiring, everything that my posts are not.....blogs. but then i think....damn. my friends are bad asses! im like in the "cool" crowd now!

here's a little bit of what has been going on in my lame-o life lately:

1. the job hunt seems endless. the LBK is not the best place to find a job, turns out. BUT there is a light in the darkness!!! its called connections--it really is about WHO you know, not what you know. im glad to say that MAYBE, just maybe, there is a plus to come out of brysons fratastic life. his name is Dr. Jason P. White, DDS. yes, a dentist. and i hate the dentist. but that has nothing to do with it. met him the other night at the bar (great first impression right?....i know what youre thinking, he was drinking, too! so back off!) but, we shook hands, i was intimidated, made sure to throw in there that i graduated from THE university of texas, he has really white teeth, hes pretty cute, hes not that old (28), hes single, hes rich....im getting way off track here. moral of the story, he said he could get me a job. hes a little hot-shot with lots of his own connections so i hear. we'll see if he actually does. i took him my resume like he asked. so what's a girl to do from here?! i also found another opportunity that i really think might fit me better than anything else i have found so far. its called early childhood intervention specialist. you just have to have a bachelor's degree and not be a felon....CHECK and CHeck...wait, yeah, CHECK!! so i picked up the application. read some on the program, and decided it was the best prospect up to now. i basically would be evaluating children from infant to three years old that are developmentally delayed. its a salary job working only 266 days outta the year. not sure what all my actual position would entail...that's just kinda what the program is about. you work with the child and the family to intervene and implement programs to correct or lessen the effects of the developmental delays. sounds intereseting to me and fits more with my psych. major and social work minor. not that i will prob ever use any of that crap anyways.....

2. i am OBSESSED with eli. he makes me happy. although i get real pissed when he sneak attacks me from under my bed when i walk by. ive nearly (yes, ivy. nearly) tripped and died like 5 times now. ive accidentally kicked him in the head a few times (and maybe once or twice on purpose...ooops.) but other than that i love and adore him. he goes to brysons house with me when i go there. bryson likes him, too. he even calls himself eli's daddy (ok maybe he only did it once). kinda weird...not sure how i feel about it. although bryson did pay half for eli. still....then that makes bryson like a deadbeat dad. no childsupport. he doesnt help take care of eli. and he sure as hell doesnt spend enough time with him....haha, jk. just wanted to make it sound like we had a little bastard love-child together. oh and yeah, eli has this little isaac mizrahi carrier that has brown leather handles and pink and white polka dot interior. soooo cute. i take him in it all the time. hes starting to not mind the car at all. and i dont care that he's a boy cat. maybe he likes pink.

3. and i know you are all wondering "what about that bryson kid? he still being a douche?"
answer-sometimes. but definitely not as often. im pretty good at dealing with it now. we actually had a HUGE long talk the other night. and he actually did most of the talking. it was a miracle. we got somethings resolved then. just a little. but im just being there for him and we have a blast together so i dont really want to lose that right now since im kinda stuck here in lubbock with only a few really good friends other than him. but i make sure and put the guilt trip on him whenever possible so that he knows im not just gonna be waiting around forever. i threaten him that ill just give up sometimes. he gets the picture for the most part. we have sort of a tumultuous relationship right now. but i feel like things are looking up to say the least. so....that's that. a little too complicated and messy to type all of it here right now.

4. im really trying to make my spiritual life priority right now, too. i know of course that it should ALWAYS be priority but i really struggle with it sometimes. so...ive been trying to read the Bible alot more and do some journaling. bryson and i go to this college ministry/worship service every tuesday night called late nite. ive met alot of really nice people that i love to talk to. i hang out with some of them. some of you girls know one of them, brian. hes the youth minister at this church, and he even speaks at some of the late nites. hes really gifted and so wise with everything that im not, spiritually speaking. i mean lets not get ahead of ourselves here...im a damn genius (haha...jk. i wish). but i love talking to him and i love the fellowship i have found at this church. brian has even asked me to be a leader for one of the homes at their disciple now at the end of this month. it really freaks me out bc im not good at stuff like that. so, not sure if i will do it or not. i know it would be an amazing opportunity, i just dont know if im ready for it yet. so send up a few prayers if you can whenever you think about me!!

well ladies...i guess that will about do it for me. until next time....(which will prob be a long time from now).....

LOVE Y'ALL, BITCHES!!!

the new man in my life...not to mention my favorite.

so...it finally happened! whitney found her eli. eli and whitney....eli whitney. just wanted to make sure everyone made that connection. bc no, i did not name him after eli manning (although he did win the super bowl tonight). and no, i did not name him after eli young from eli young band (although he rocks my world!). anyways...enough about his name bc he is by far the most amazing kitten in the world. and i know what you're saying...."but i hate cats. cats are spawn of the devil. they scare me with their crazy eyes and sharp claws, ready to attack at any second." but let me tell you my feline-wary friends. you will love him. he is the best thing to happen to me since, oh i dunno, bryson! haha...no but seriously. he is the new man of my life. he makes me happy. he doesnt make me cry. he doesnt forget to call. he doesnt yell at me in public causing laura to push him to teach him a lesson. he doesnt say he loves me only to then not be so sure. he doesnt get mad at me when i hang out with other cats....yeah he's pretty much the perfect guy. it's pretty amazing how one tiny little kitten can make all the difference in the world. i dont feel as alone when im by myself at my apt. i feel like i always have someone to come home to. and, strangely enough, i feel a little more safe, dont ask me why. sometimes i wonder if i should have been a vet. i thought about it for a while and was even a pre-vet major at that university that shall remain nameless where i spent my freshman year of college (what a waste!). animals are nicer than humans anyways. im obsessed with all of them....i even cried at the pound when shivonne and i went there a few weeks ago. anyways...point of the story is, eli completes me. and he loves me unconditionally. he cries when im not in the same room with him, and he sleeps on my pillow with me every night. he loves to cuddle and he purrs nonstop when he's with me. he also runs around my apt. like a crazy person, all the while with his little bell on his collar jingling so that you always know where to find him. his favorite toy is this little, fuzzy, purple mouse. oh and yeah....he likes to try to play with mackie through mackie's cage. mackie doesnt have it. he just bites eli's paws through the cage.

anyways...sorry to bore you all to tears with that novel about my cat. i just love him more than anything. but everything else is going pretty well. im surprisingly not bored very often. im going to be a temp soon. weird i know, but the jobs that i really wanted were only hiring through a temp agency. so....hopefully i will start a job soon in some office, probably as the receptionist. so it's like i will be pam and ryan all mixed into one...maybe i will find my jim, too! (for those of you who dont know what im talking about...i mean off of the show The Office. and if you didnt know, shame on you. go rent the first three seasons RIGHT NOW bc you're missing the best show ever made.) i have also been practicing my relationship counselor skills. ive been mediating and counseling two of my friends that are always fighting with each other and have a pretty dramatic relationship (ok...i know, look who's talking, right?) and i feel like all i ever talk about with my friend landon are his romantic troubles. but at least i feel like im getting a little bit of experience no matter how minute it may be. but who knows if i'll even go on to be an LPC. i dont want to go to grad school. also i LOVE and ADORE my new apt. (pictures to be posted on FB soon so be on the lookout) still just a few things to finish hanging and stuff and it will be complete! but it's way cute, and you all have to come back and see it now! i keep it really, really clean, too! im talking like emaculate! well....that's all for now i guess. i miss you all very much and can only dream about the next time i get to see y'all!